Are you a regular member of a social group? Like a club for a shared interest, a networking group, or a religious community? Do you enjoy seeing your friends at these events, but also wish you could expand your social circle and get to know the other people? I know the feeling.
This used to really bother me, specifically when I went to mosque (and socialized after prayers). Even though I know how to connect with people immediately, I don't always want to do that. Sometimes, I just want to enjoy the comfort of my friends. But, if I only spend time with friends, I will kick myself for not expanding my social circle when I see someone interesting (or, if I'm being honest, for not chatting up a cute girl that catches my eye).
I know it's kind of ridiculous to complain about this. After years of struggling with social skills, I finally had friends to talk to, knew how to make new ones, and I still felt like I was missing out?
OKAY FINE. I was being greedy. I wanted to keep making new friends and keep going on hot dates. I wanted to experience more people. Without ignoring existing friends. And without working so hard for it. I wanted a shortcut. A hack. Whatever. Yes, I wanted my cake and I damn well wanted to eat it too. There just had to be a way!
Well, ladies & gentlemen, I’m proud to say, I found it. A delightful little social hack that creates new relationships, and strengthens your existing ones.
What is it? At social events, go meet the new people, and introduce them to one of your friends.
It sounds so simple (because it is) and here are 4 reasons why it works like a charm.
1. The new person will LOVE you
When you're the new person that doesn't know anyone, how awkward do you feel? How awesome would it be if someone welcomed you in that situation? And how awesome would it be if they also broke the ice for you with some other people? Pretty dang awesome is right. If you start a conversation with someone who is new & introduce them to people, you immediately become their favorite person.
2. Your friends will love you, too
How awesome does it feel when a friend brings you someone to meet? Pretty dang awesome is right. Do this for your friends, and they will feel important, appreciated, and valued. Take this to the next level by mentioning why you chose your friend when you make the introduction – "I wanted [new person] to meet you because you are the most helpful person I know".
3. It’s a sneaky filtering mechanism
If I’m talking to someone new and I’m not 100% sure how I feel about them, introducing them to a friend helps me decide. Later on, I’ll ask my friend “hey what did you think of that new person?” If my friend is on board, I'll include them in future plans. If you want deep, meaningful connections, you can't spread yourself thin by hanging out with everyone – this helps prioritize which new people I make plans with.
4. You become the guy/girl to know
People notice when you do this. Even though you’re helping other people connect, you become the person that knows everyone. Suddenly, when there’s another new person, people direct them to you. So now you're meeting people with even less effort. And you have more people to introduce them to. The cycle starts to fuel itself.
People in my mosque always tell me (and regrettably, my mother, when she visits) “Amin, you're always surrounded by a flock of pretty girls" and this is the reason why – I made it a habit to meet new people and introduce them to my friends. Even when I couldn't think of anything to say.
One time, I was so not in the mood to meet new people, but there was a new girl who I found attractive. So I went up to her and said “Hi, my name is Amin, and I’m on the welcoming committee for the pretty girls.” She thought it was hilarious (thankfully), and I promptly introduced her to one of my female friends. They had fun jabbing at me for my...eloquent pickup line.
Give this little social hack a try, and let me know how well it works for you.
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Do you want to expand your social circle? Do you feel that everybody else has friends but you don’t? I’ve been there. And it sucks.
Here's my 30 second story: I use a wheelchair and I have a degenerative muscle condition. I was always the shy, nerdy kid, and I had ZERO success with women – my first kiss didn't happen until I was 22 years old. I went to an Ivy League University and landed my dream job at Microsoft, but I was miserable. After the girl I was in love with told me, "I don't know how any woman could be attracted to a guy in a wheelchair," I hired a dating coach to turn my life around. Now, my social calendar is booked weeks in advance, and I get to choose the friends that I really want to spend time with. Now, I've been on 60+ dates, I've enjoyed sex and intimacy with several women, and I've had incredible girlfriends.
If you desire similar experiences, I know I can help you. Get my practical tips for improving your social and dating life by signing up below. If you're interested in my private coaching services, or even if you just have a question, you can get in touch with me by hitting reply to the confirmation email, or on my contact page. I would love to help you, because now that I've experienced these massive improvements in my life, I wish someone would have stepped in much earlier and helped me.