When you are interested in dating a woman, DO NOT ask her to “hang out”.
What should you do instead? Tell her you want to take her on a date.
I know. This is nerve-racking, and you’re probably thinking:
- But what if she’s not into me like that?
- But what if I creep her out and I lose her as a friend?
- But what if that’s too much pressure?
- But what if she shoots me down and people find out?
So you decide that asking her to “hang out” is the best option. It's safe, non-creepy, and gives you time to "feel things out" before going for a date. But that's a mistake. And here’s why.
1. If this girl does like you, you are SORELY missing out
Let me ask you a question: if you had a date planned with a beautiful woman this weekend, what would you do to prepare?
If you’re like me, you would do several things.
You would think about her and get excited to hold her soft hands, grip her toned thighs, pull her in by the waist, and plant a kiss on her red lips.
You would leave your calendar tentatively open on the night of the date, in case things got…heated.
You would make sure your laundry is done, so you have an outfit that makes you look like a sexy devil (don't forget the underwear).
You would get a haircut, trim your nails, shave, possibly manscape, and on the day of the date – shower a little more thoroughly and make sure you smell great.
Now, don’t you want her to do all these things, for you?
Don’t you want her to show up and make your jaw drop with how sexy she looks, for you? Don’t you want her to be hotly anticipating spending time with you?
I certainly do.
But that’s not what happens when you ask a woman who likes you to “hang out”. This phrase is incredibly vague, as it could mean you actually want to hang out as friends, that you just want to have casual sex, or that you want to go on a date. She will choose the conservative option here (hang out as friends) because if she assumes anything else, it will tarnish her reputation.
- If she meets with you assuming you want casual sex and she's wrong, she will be labeled slutty.
- If she meets with you assuming you want a date and she's wrong, she will be labeled desperate.
Unfortunately, our society punishes women severely for these reputations. Women have strong desires to be intimate and have sex, but this social shaming discourages them from expressing these desires openly. On the other hand, men (like myself) are labeled "confident" for approaching women and expressing sexual interest.
So even if a girl likes you, and you ask her to "hang out", she will be more conservative with you then she wants to be – both in her appearance and her actions. And that’s unfortunate, since both of you will struggle to express and fulfill your desires with each other.
2. If she doesn’t like you (or hasn’t decided), you are torturing yourself and wasting time
If a woman is not romantically interested in you, asking her to “hang out” is like digging a knife into an open wound.
She might meet up with you, but she will show up in sweatpants, drenched from yoga, and tell you about some guy that won’t commit to her. Shortly thereafter, she’ll run off to get dolled up and go out with her friends, to meet other guys. And this will keep happening over, and over, AND OVER AGAIN. Until you finally muster up the courage to “make a move” – which won’t go over well.
How do I know? I’ve been there. I once spent 6 months “hanging out” (or “meeting up” or “chatting”) with a girl that I was very attracted to. And I would just hope that she would stop saying “aw, you’re such a sweetie” when I would give her a compliment. I would hope that she would see how caring I was when I listened to her vent. I would hope that she would invite me to do more than just look at her sex toys.
Finally, it became so unbearable that I just blurted out “can I kiss you?" when we were sitting on her couch. And that pretty much ended our friendship. She assumed I just wanted to be friends, because all I ever said was "let's hang out”, but now she knew that I had been hiding this desire all along. She offered to remain friends, but an awkward and uncomfortable energy had settled between us.
And I swore to never go through that again. Because all my agony could have been avoided, had I just said "hey, you’re beautiful and I like talking to you. I’d like to take you on a date” much earlier in the process. Sure, she would’ve turned me down, but then I would’ve had 6 more months to meet women that are interested in me.
If you're not sure whether or not a woman likes you, you're not going to find out the next time you ask her to "hang out". You will find out if you ask her on a date immediately. Don't be like my former self, and miss out on YEARS of dating opportunities by waiting around for that one girl.
Gentlemen, regardless of the situation, you need to let her know that you are interested in more than just hanging out as friends. And that sucks, I know. I still get nervous about this.
Just a few weeks ago, I met a girl at a party and we started texting each other every day. We set up a time to meet, and I was about to text her back, saying "perfect, it’s a date :)". But I stopped. And I hesitated for a moment.
And then the floodgates broke, and all my fears came gushing forward.
- Oh man, I hope she doesn't get turned off by this
- You know she likes you man. Why do you have to make it so serious?
- You've been texting each other every day! Isn't it obvious that it's a date?
- Just hang out with her and get to know her first. You can always tell her it's a date next time...
But I also remembered. I remembered the torture of not making it a date. And I knew that a rejection now would be SO MUCH BETTER than the continuous pain of hoping she would take the hint. And I decided I didn’t want to spend my time pining for a girl who just wasn’t interested in me.
So I sent the message. And she responded positively!
In this case, going on a “date” just made things so much smoother and more enjoyable for both of us. I didn’t feel weird and she didn’t hesitate when I put my hand on her knee, or when I reached out to hold her hand. And instead of wondering “should I make a move?” I just had to figure out when I wanted to kiss her.
She later told me that she appreciated when I clarified that it was a date, even though that’s what she suspected. It put her at ease, so she could focus on being excited and having fun when we met.
So the next time you make plans with a woman you are interested in, let her know it’s a date. If she’s not into it, you just saved yourself a lot of pain and a lot of time. If she is into it, get ready for a hell of a good time.
Do you want to FINALLY get the courage to tell that girl how you feel? Do you want to go on dates and be intimate/sexual with women? Does the thought of trying any of this make your stomach flip over? I’ve been there. And it sucks.
Here's my 30 second story: I use a wheelchair and I have a degenerative muscle condition. I was always the shy, nerdy kid, and I had ZERO success with women – my first kiss didn't happen until I was 22 years old. I went to an Ivy League University and landed my dream job at Microsoft, but I was miserable. After the girl I was in love with told me, "I don't know how any woman could be attracted to a guy in a wheelchair," I hired a dating coach to turn my life around. Now, my social calendar is booked weeks in advance, and I get to choose the friends that I really want to spend time with. Now, I've been on 60+ dates, I've enjoyed sex and intimacy with several women, and I've had incredible girlfriends.
If you desire similar experiences, I know I can help you. Get my practical tips for improving your social and dating life by signing up below. If you're interested in my private coaching services, or even if you just have a question, you can get in touch with me by hitting reply to the confirmation email, or on my contact page. I would love to help you, because now that I've experienced these massive improvements in my life, I wish someone would have stepped in much earlier and helped me.