Most guys don’t get the results they want with women. (Psst...hit play on the video below to watch me "perform" this blog post for you.)
They either settle for the first girl who shows interest in them, or they just find excuses (school and work are common ones) for why they can’t date right now. They hope that “someday” they will magically figure it out.
How do I know? Because that used to be me. And I had some fantastic excuses.
- I want to improve my rank in high school!
- I want to finish 2 Ivy League degrees in 4 years!
- I want to start off on a strong career trajectory at Microsoft!
But in reality, I was scared. I was scared that women would never find me sexually attractive. I was scared that I would die a virgin – fuck, I was scared that I would die without my first kiss! I was scared that women would never be interested in me, in that way, because of my wheelchair.
I mean, how many girls grow up dreaming about one day meeting a skinny guy in a wheelchair?
So if I can get dates, then YOU can too. All you need to do is do what I did, become a sexually attractive man.
And how do you do that? Well I’m glad you asked, son. Because whenever I have a new client who wants to improve his dating life, I start with an honest assessment of his life, broken down into the 5 key signals of a sexually attractive man. If you work on these areas in your life, your dating results will drastically improve (as mine did).
This one is obvious, right? Everyone says it. “Just be more confident.”
But most guys don’t apply it. They wait for the girl to come over and talk to them. They wait until someone introduces them to that girl at their gym. They wait, they hope, and they wish that they had the balls to go up and talk to her.
The truth is they never will, because confidence is not some destination. Confidence is expressed through courageous action – approaching her, flirting with her, getting her number, asking her out, physically escalating, etc. At any given point, you could be shut down, and that is scary as fuck. Girls know this, and it’s why they don’t do it themselves. So when you do, when you act in the face of fear, you come across confident. And chicks dig it.
You can’t have a list of how to be sexually attractive without this one, obviously. In fact, it’s so important, that it has 2 parts.
Most guys love looking at beautiful, well-dressed women, but when it comes to their own style, they dress solely for comfort. The saying “looks don’t matter” is bullshit – women, just like men, judge you on your appearance.
In fact, the main difference between a creepy guy and a confident guy is his appearance. If a hobo and a guy in a tailored suit both go up to a woman and say “hey, you’re stunning,” it doesn’t matter one bit how great of a guy the hobo is, or what “mindsets” he has, the woman will be uncomfortable and try to get away. The guy in the tailored suit will always get a better response. You don’t need to always be in a tailored suit, but there are some simple guidelines that will 10x your other efforts, because when you’re well-dressed, women will view you more favorably instantly.
Most guys express too little sexuality in conversation, which lands you in the friend zone. They fail to take any risk in letting the girl know that they find her attractive. They don’t “make a move” so to speak. As mentioned above, she’s not just going to take the hint. Because if she is wrong, she will be labeled a slut.
I know, I know. You don’t get off scott-free if you’re wrong – you get labeled as a creep. But that’s not nearly as bad, because society accepts that men are just creeps. And plus, if you dress sharp, and recover well from the rejection (see “Resilience” below) you’ll probably get labeled as confident, instead.
As a guideline for how much sexuality to express, I will quote a surprisingly eloquent 18-year-old who I recently approached – “be bold, but don’t rush.” In other words, if she starts telling you which Harry Potter character she thinks is cute, that’s not an immediate invitation to tell her that you’d like to show her to your “magic wand.” Just be a tad ahead of her.
3: Fun Energy
Most guys are so scared of saying the wrong thing, that they end up saying not much at all. They don’t pack a lot of energy into their approach. You need to show her that she’s going to have a good time with you, and the best way to do that is to bring fun energy.
Because who wants to be with someone who is super serious all the time? We all have enough serious shit going on in our lives – what attracts us to other people is the possibility of having more fun. And sure, your friends might have a ball every time you’re around, but she doesn’t know that. The only information she has is who you are in that moment. So be your most fun, energetic self.
This is the one no one seems to be talking about, yet it was an absolute game changer for me. If you’ve realized you “need to be less needy,” then this is what you need to work on.
If you’ve ever had a dog, you have a sense of how this works. When you’ve been home all day, the dog doesn’t really give a shit that you’re around. If you leave and come back in 5 minutes, he will be somewhat excited that you’re back. If you leave for the entire work day, he’s going to go fucking bonkers when you get back home.
In the same way, we all want what we can’t have, so you need to let the girl miss you for her to be attracted to you. You need to focus on your own life and not text her back right away. You need to share exciting parts of your life on social media to make yourself desirable. You need to develop your own interests and your own social circle, so that when you choose to spend time with her instead, she values your time together. Because she doesn’t want to be your everything – she just wants to be your priority over other awesome things.
Does it hurt to get rejected? Hell yeah.
Do you need to spend time processing your feelings? Hell yeah.
Do you need to process them right when the rejection happens? No, you don’t.
Most guys, when they get rejected, either get angry/upset with the girl, or they go hide and NEVER approach again. This is understandable, because rejection really sucks, and I fall into this trap too – especially if it’s a particularly blatant rejection.
But let’s say you’re at a party, and the first girl you meet is not interested, but there’s another girl who thinks you’re quite handsome. It’s highly unlikely that she’s going to come up to you, so are you going to let the first rejection, or even the first 10 rejections, get in your way, or are you going to power through?
I’ve never regretted it when I’ve powered through. In fact, I’ve even dated that 11th the girl I met at a party, when the first 10 weren’t interested or had boyfriends.
You can (and should) spend time journaling and processing your (understandably) hurt feelings after rejection, but do it when you get home and are not surrounded by a ton of new people. By being resilient in the moment, you show women that you can handle a no. And the interesting result is that even if they are not interested in you sexually, they still want to be around you, which makes you even more desirable to other women.