How to deal with rejection
Bro, I got rejected hard core yesterday. (Psst...hit play on the video below to watch me "perform" this blog post for you.)
I came across this gorgeous woman, probably in her mid-30s. Her top half was all covered up, with a cashmere sweater, a leather jacket, and some exotic necklaces, but her legs were almost entirely exposed, straddled between a tight brown skirt and tan booties (gosh I love women’s booties, and women in booties).
Anyway, I was wearing my workout clothes, and I had a 3 day old scruffy beard. But I decided to say something anyway – I said “hey, I love those shoes, where did you get them?”
And she just said “yeah” and kept walking, apparently looking for her car (we were by the elevators in a parking garage). And I immediately started to panic.
Did she hear me?
She definitely heard me.
Why is she ignoring me?
Is it because I look like a bum?
Am I so unattractive that it’s not even worth talking to me?
And in that moment, I felt so utterly rejected that I couldn’t do anything, other than just roll away. I felt absolutely worthless.
I tried to brush it off and just carry on with my day, but something was clearly off – a beautiful woman smiled at me at Starbucks, but I made up some excuse to not talk to her. The barista told me she got her necklace from her fiancé, and I hesitated to come up with something to say. And I was on a phone call with my mastermind group, but my feedback was more disagreeable than constructive.
And I finally figured out what was going on, when I took some time to write in my journal the next morning. “I was upset yesterday,” I started. And I wondered if maybe I had done something wrong in my interaction with this woman. What had I forgotten?
Well. I had forgotten to warm-up.
I had forgotten to get in front of her to really get her attention.
I had forgotten to approach with energy.
I had forgotten to give her a unique compliment.
And I had forgotten to not give up immediately.
And then I was seriously pissed at myself, thinking, ARGH, I should know this shit by now. How could I forget such simple things?
But I stopped myself, because I realized something – that that crummy experience, of that woman completely ignoring me, was actually a good thing.
Okay, stay with me – was it good in the moment?
No. Absolutely not. It sucked balls.
But when I stepped back and thought about it, I realized that having that feeling means that I was approaching women. It means that I wasn’t just sitting at home, swiping girls on tinder, and taking the easy way out. It means that I was pushing myself. It means that I was taking the risk. It means that I was building my confidence. It means that I was one step closer to finding the girl of my dreams.
And the fact that I sat down and thought about it, means that the next time I approach women, I will probably remember to do the things that I forgot to do this time – like warming up, getting her attention, smiling, giving her a better compliment, and not giving up immediately.
But most of all, if I muster the courage to try approaching women again, it means that I am a stronger man than I was before I met this woman.
And that’s how you deal with rejection guys, you become stronger from it. Sure, you get pissed about it (it’s unnatural if you don’t) but then you take time to process it, and learn from it. And the best way to do that is to write down everything you remember about the experience, and then write down what you can do better in the future. I’ve approached thousands of women over the past 5+ years, and nothing has been as helpful in growing my skills as taking the time to document and learn from my experiences.
So get out there, keep approaching, and become stronger from your rejections.