We covered WHY you should ask her out on the phone (instead of text), but what about the how?
How do I even bring up the idea of calling her? Should I ask her over text if she is okay with it first? Should I just pick up and call? What if she doesn’t answer? What if it’s a bad time? What if it’s too soon? What if she doesn’t like talking on the phone? What do I even say if she does pick up? What’s my reason for calling?
Just breathe, man. I know, it’s nerve-racking, but I’m here to tell you that it’s going to be okay.
How about this, let’s cover what not to do first.
Don’t just randomly call her. That’s a big no-no. Why?
Because if someone is not expecting a call from you, calling them is incredibly rude.
Think about it. What happens when you get a call? Your phone buzzes and makes lots of noise – it screams for your attention. Are you really just going to roll the dice on her being available and in a good mood when you decide to call?
When you randomly call, you’re assuming that she has nothing better to do than talk to you. Even if you’re very confident in yourself, that’s a bit of a stretch. You can make this assumption with your mom (I certainly do…I set up a special ringtone for myself on my mom’s phone – so she knows she’s supposed to answer no matter what when she hears my ringtone).
…what, nobody else has mommy issues here? Okay FINE.
In any case, you don’t want to be screaming for a girl’s attention when you don’t know her very well. It’s not attractive.
And honestly, she probably hasn’t even saved your number yet, especially if you met online. You’re not the only guy she has given her number to, so if she sees a call from an unknown number, she’s unlikely to answer it. And now you have set yourself back, by becoming that guy who randomly calls.
So what do you do? It’s very simple, actually. After you have texted each other a few times, send her this text in the morning:
Hey, I was thinking about you. I’ll give you a call tonight at 8 PM :)
Simple, right? I know what you’re thinking: are you crazy man? Just like that? What if she never texts me back? I know, I know – I’ll get there, just give me a minute.
On the one hand, this text is very confident and attractive. It signals to her that you have shit going on in your life, but you have a handle on your life, and that you can make time for people you care about. Plus, it doesn't require a response, which she will appreciate on a busy day.
On the other hand, by picking a time and a date, you are being very vulnerable – you are saying “I will hold this time for you” and leaving it up to her to reply. That’s pretty damn scary, I get it. But as a man, that’s your responsibility. You have to take the initial step, and then it’s up to the woman to decide whether or not she wants to go along with it.
Now, once you have done this, the ball is in her court, and she will do one of three things:
1. She will text you back something positive, like “sounds good” or suggest a different time. If you’re in this boat, congratulations, because she was just waiting for you to step up. She’s excited to hear from you, so call her when it works for both of you.
2. She will text you back and say that time doesn’t work for whatever reason. If she doesn’t offer a better time, that typically means she is not that interested in you. You can follow up one more time and ask if a different night would be better, but if you get the same response, it’s a clear sign that she is not interested. If she won’t make time to talk with you on the phone, she certainly won’t make time to go on a date with you. It’s a bummer, and your best move is to give her space and direct your efforts elsewhere (a.k.a “move on”).
3. She will not text you back. This one is hard to decipher. It could be her way of saying no, or she might just not have a chance to reply. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Call her anyway, at the time you said you would, because that shows her that you are a man who follows through on his word. That’s important, and attractive.
If she doesn’t answer, there’s no need to leave a message – the ball is in her court now. Don’t just stare at your phone waiting for her to call you back – have some sort of backup plan, like a book or blog you want to read. It will (somewhat) prevent you from panicking and stressing out in the moment about why she didn’t answer. Typically, if things have been going well over text, it just means she was away from her phone for a moment.
I would be lying if I said this is bulletproof. Does this strategy result in some women stopping all communication with you? Absolutely.
But remember, the goal is not to have a text buddy. The goal is to build a connection with her and go on a date. By showing interest in talking on the phone, giving her a heads up on when you’re going to call, and actually following through, you’re setting yourself apart from all the fuckboys out there. High quality women, who want to date, will find you irresistible.
Go kill it,
The Dating Coach on Wheels
If you try this strategy, send me an email and let me know what you learned.
Do you freeze up around attractive women? Have you never kissed a girl? Have you never had a girlfriend? Do you feel that everybody else has friends but you don’t? I’ve been there. And it sucks.
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I use a wheelchair and I have a degenerative muscle condition. I was always the shy, nerdy kid, and I had ZERO success with women – my first kiss didn't happen until I was 22 years old. I went to an Ivy League University and landed my dream job at Microsoft, but I was miserable. After the girl I was in love with told me, "I don't know how any woman could be attracted to a guy in a wheelchair," I hired a dating coach to turn my life around. Now, my social calendar is booked weeks in advance, and I get to choose the friends that I really want to spend time with. Now, I've been on 60+ dates, I've enjoyed sex and intimacy with multiple women, and I've had incredible girlfriends.
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