How to make sure she doesn't flake
Have you ever heard the advice call her to set up the first date? You may have dismissed it, and assumed it was outdated. Because who the hell does that? And why wouldn’t you just text in this day and age?
I used to think the same way. But underneath all that resistance, I was scared.
I was scared that if I called her, I would say something wrong and ruin my chances. Because somehow this beautiful girl was interested in going out with me, and there was no way I was going to risk messing that up. It was MUCH easier to just hide behind my text messages before the first date.
But when I hid, my results suffered. The girl would ghost me, reschedule endlessly, or worse: flake on me last-minute. Ugh…I still remember how damn frustrated I was when it last happened to me. Almost exactly one year ago, I matched with a girl on Tinder, and sparks flew from the very beginning. She was talkative, witty, incredibly sexy, and she even experimented with hair color as I used to. We were sending each other pictures, LONG paragraphs on text, and we finally scheduled a date (November 20th). Needless to say, I was more than the usual level of excited as I headed to the date spot. I wondered to myself…
What will she be like in person?
What will it be like to kiss her?
Could she be the one?
I arrived at the venue and waited out front for her. I avoided looking at my phone, because I wanted to maintain a "confident and open stance" for the first time she saw me. I didn’t want to be hunched over and looking down at my phone, because I didn’t want ANYTHING to ruin this date – least of all my insecurity of sitting around looking like I have nothing to do.
But a few minutes passed, and then a few more minutes passed, and then I couldn't resist checking my phone. The fear had started to sink in.
Where is she?
Is she going to make it?
What if she doesn’t make it?
And when I looked at my phone I saw it – a text from her – saying that she couldn’t make it. Something had happened with her friend and she needed to be with him. I called her and she didn’t answer. I texted her later to ask if her friend was okay, but I never heard back.
Looking back, it makes sense. A man will go on a date with a woman solely based on her physical appearance. But a woman, on the other hand, will only go on a date with a man if she feels good about him.
Unfortunately, we are not wired to develop a true feeling about someone just through text. It’s even why we gravitate way more towards audio and video content online – we are more easily moved by it.
So it turns out that the advice of calling before the first date is excellent advice, because:
1. It shows that you are confident. A guy who calls is a guy who is not scared to talk on the phone (like most people these days). Plus, on a phone call, the only tools at your disposal to charm her are your voice and your personality – calling shows that you have confidence in those two core parts of who you are.
2. It shows that you are classy. Most guys follow this protocol: chat on Tinder, chat on text, meet up for drinks, and hookup. And they are SUPER eager to get to the hookup. Women have a term for these guys, they call them fuckboys (and not endearingly). By taking it easy and calling her before you invite her out on a date, you set yourself apart.
3. It allows you to quickly figure out whether or not you have chemistry, because she can form a stronger opinion about you over the phone. If her opinion is negative, obviously that sucks, but she will decline the date and you won’t end up in the situation I was in. If her opinion is positive, that’s a huge win, because you’ve now become more than just some guy she’s texting. You can start to build a connection with her and have a WAY better first date.
So the next time you match with a girl on Tinder, go ahead and celebrate, look forward to her messages, and think about how awesome it would be to take her on a date. Just make sure you call her to set up the date.
So now, the question is…how do you get her on the phone?
Do you just call her out of the blue? Do you give her a warning? Do you give her some times that you're available and wait for her to call? How far in advance – an hour, three days, a week? What if she doesn’t answer? Do you leave a message?
Just breathe, man. I know, it’s nerve-racking, but I’m here to tell you that it’s going to be okay.
Find out what to do on the next post: How to Make Her Hotly Anticipate Your Phone Call
Go crush it,
Amin, The Dating Coach on Wheels
If you try this strategy, send me an email and let me know what you learned.
Do you freeze up around attractive women? Have you never kissed a girl? Have you never had a girlfriend? Do you feel that everybody else has friends but you don’t? I’ve been there. And it sucks.
Here's my 30 second story:
I use a wheelchair and I have a degenerative muscle condition. I was always the shy, nerdy kid, and I had ZERO success with women – my first kiss didn't happen until I was 22 years old. I went to an Ivy League University and landed my dream job at Microsoft, but I was miserable. After the girl I was in love with told me, "I don't know how any woman could be attracted to a guy in a wheelchair," I hired a dating coach to turn my life around. Now, my social calendar is booked weeks in advance, and I get to choose the friends that I really want to spend time with. Now, I've been on 60+ dates, I've enjoyed sex and intimacy with multiple women, and I've had incredible girlfriends.
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