My tinder date with a 19-year-old – zero chemistry, and a big lesson
When I tell people I’m a dating coach, they make a bunch of assumptions.
That I’m always confident around attractive women
That I can get any girl to text me back
That I have more dates than I can handle
This all sounds nice, but none of it is true.
So I wondered, how the hell can I call myself a dating coach, if I don’t have the perfect dating life? Every other coach I see on social media seems to have the perfect dating life, shouldn’t I?
So I tried really, really, really hard to go on as many dates as possible. Because that’s what matters, right? Ultimately, I should be able to go on a date with any woman I desire. At least, that’s what I thought.
So I chatted up girls everywhere I went, and I spent several hours (yes, HOURS) per day on dating apps. For several weeks, nothing worked. Every girl I met in person had a boyfriend, and I would match with some girls on dating apps, but the conversation would quickly fizzle out. So I grew more and more worried, and I wondered…
Am I a fraud?
Do I know anything about dating or talking to women?
What if someone finds out that I didn’t have a date this weekend?
And then finally, FINALLY, I got a date – with a 19-year-old girl I matched with on Tinder. I know what you’re thinking (because I’m 27 years old)…and I just want you to withhold your judgment, because there is a lesson here.
Side note: here’s the Tinder conversation.
Now, this 19-year-old and I had ZERO chemistry. We got along just fine, but there was no…spark. I thought maybe she needed a little more time to warm up to me, so at the end of our date, I told her I’d like to see her again. She said I was sweet (which I TOTALLY am, in case you’re a lady reading this ;)) but she wasn’t interested in seeing me again :/
You might think this would be VERY devastating for me. And it was…the first 5 or 10 times I had heard it. But now, most of what I feel is curiosity, and a desire to learn as much as I can from the girl in front of me.
But she didn’t. She said she did not want to see me again – and I swear, I’m not making this up – because I made her feel like she was on a date with her UNCLE.
And I thought that was hilarious, because no one has ever told me that I’m old before. But I’m glad she did, because it turned on a little lightbulb in my head.
I realized that it has NEVER been about how many women I could date. I don’t feel anything about the fact that I’ve been on dates with more than 30 women in the past 5 years. But the intimate connections I’ve made with a few of them? Those connections…those mean the world to me.
Like the girl who I said 5 words to as I was leaving a party (I didn’t even get her name), and then two weeks later, we were arguing over whether her lips tasted like vanilla, or coconut pear (DEFINITELY vanilla, trust me).
Or the girl who shared my love of Power Rangers and SpongeBob SquarePants, and accompanied me on my first double date. I don’t care if that means I’m sappy, because I had always dreamed of that moment.
Or the woman I fell in love with. We would stay up all night talking, and laughing – because she wanted to know everything about me, and I wanted to know everything about her. In that moment, it didn’t matter…that she was 28 years older than me.
When I think about these experiences, they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
And I remember always wanting those fuzzy feelings, but thinking that I would never have them.
Because I don’t know what to say
Because I don’t look like the guys in the movies
Because I don’t walk due to my disability
But I was wrong. I didn’t have to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else play. Even I could be in the game.
Getting in the game takes a LOT of work, and it’s really frustrating at times, because you won’t always have the perfect dating life (see above). But it’s not about achieving perfection. It’s about being in the game. Because when you’re in the game, you invite the possibility of these incredible connections.
So if you’re the kind of guy that wants to date hundreds of women, I’m sorry, I can’t do much for you. But if you’re sitting on the sidelines, wondering if you will EVER get to participate...then I know I can get you in the game. Click the button below to download my guide and get in the game.
So how did a 23-year-old, shy guy in a wheelchair go from zero success with women to dating 40+ women, getting his first kiss, losing his virginity, having 5 girlfriends, and being the life of the party wherever he goes? The strategies I still use, to this day, are spelled out in The 3 Step Guide to More Friends and More Dates – click the button below to download it (for free!) now.