Dude, I have been SO annoyed with online dating in the past – it has always felt like a crapshoot at best, and a giant waste of time at worst. And I'm a dating coach! Shouldn't I know how to do it better?
I still work on online dating with my clients, and we get results, but personally, I've just assumed "it must be because I'm in a wheelchair" when a girl stops responding. And then I beat myself up for getting excited about her. Ugh!
I much prefer meeting women in person, and I coach my clients on doing the same. While I firmly believe that approaching women is the best way to build true confidence in interacting with women, I've had this nagging voice in my head saying "you need to figure out this online dating shit, bro."
And today, I feel like I've made a big stride in my journey.
Because last night, I jumped on to a webinar titled "3 Keys to Online Dating Success [for Smart Introverted Men]" hosted by Sarah Jones at Introverted Alpha.
I've read articles at Introverted Alpha and I love their stuff – it's typically smart, simple advice without being creepy/gamey/PUA. Sarah put together a great hour-long presentation of the do's and don'ts of online dating.
And here's the golden nugget of wisdom – the opener. What the heck do you say after you match? Sarah explained her recommended solution, and said that her clients are getting a TON of dates with this opening message.
Are you ready? It has 6, yes count them, 6 parts!
- "Nice X" – This shows that you actually looked at her profile.
- "You seem like Y" – This shows that you took a minute think about who she is. It is also a pre-frame, which will make her act like Y (so make sure it is positive!)
- "I like that because Z" – This allows you to share something about yourself.
- "I would love to take you to ___ (specific place)" – This shows that you take initiative/leadership in choosing the venue, as a man should. It also lets her know it is a date, not a "hangout".
- "I think we'd have a lot of fun because (describe with sensory detail)" – This allows you to entice her imagination.
- "You down?" – This shows that you are not interested in endlessly chatting, and that you want to take her out.
I know what you're thinking – you have got to be kidding me, Amin, going for the date on the first message!?
I know…it goes against all conventional wisdom. But I have high expectations, because the reality is, women (and people in general) make decisions about you instantly.
So she already knows whether or not she would want to go out with you, and this just accelerates the process. It also weeds out the girls who are on dating apps but not interested in going on dates. And if it doesn't pan out, you're still building your skills of noticing the details, engaging her senses via text, and taking initiative – all important skills in order to be successful at dating.
So give this a shot, and send me an email to let me know how it goes.
PS if you are looking for a very caring, soft and nurturing path towards improving your dating life – head over and apply for the Introverted Alpha "Clarity Consult". I have no experience or affiliation (read: $$) invested with them, but I appreciate their wisdom and it seems they are able to help guys who want that type of support (it's a 3 month group coaching program, at $1,900 per month, or a one-time payment of $5,000).
If you're like me, though, and you're not just in this to be a shy guy that finds his girl, if you know your true self wants to be the life of the party, if you are wanting someone to break you out of your shell, then let's talk. Schedule some time with me for help with your online dating profile (to get more matches), a quick question, or a deeper dive into how you can accelerate your results.
So how did a 23-year-old, shy guy in a wheelchair go from zero success with women to dating 40+ women, getting his first kiss, losing his virginity, having 5 girlfriends, and being the life of the party wherever he goes? The strategies I still use, to this day, are spelled out in The 3 Step Guide to More Friends and More Dates – click the button below to download it (for free!) now.